I realized last night that I wrote kind of a negative blog about my youngest daughter and a positive one about my other two daughters and I felt AWFUL! So today I remedy that. Don’t worry, Caleb. You’re next!
Last year, I went through a bunch of articles, books and websites trying to figure out the Enneagram types of my kids. Now, it’s important to understand that no one can tell you or figure out your Enneagram number BUT YOU! So me trying to figure out my kids looked like asking them a lot of questions. Raegan was getting frustrated because we couldn’t nail down her type. Of course, she is only 11 years old and I made sure to tell her that even some adults can’t figure themselves out. This self-discovery is a very long journey. And she knows that she can still change and grow. The enneagram is VERY FLUID and yet can be very exact. I found a great PDF (click here for the link to the PDF) and I went through each number starting with ONE and asked her these questions. Almost every answer was “no,” “no,” “no,”…
Then we get to FOUR and as soon as she could say some yeses, her face lit up. FOURS desire to be known and yet they are so unique that it’s hard to figure where they fit in. She felt loved when this PDF document knew her better than she knew herself. One great word for a FOUR is authentic. Raegan is 100% herself! And she pulls out the authenticity in everyone around her. I remember when she was probably 6-7 and I was upset or sad. She would come and sit on my lap, and just hug me. Then she would say something very profound and thought-provoking, especially for a child. If I was authentic with her then she felt safe to share and be authentic with me. FOURS have a unique gift of having deep intuition into other people’s suffering. They can sit with a sad friend or even stranger and connect with them on a deep level.
FOURS also love to be unique! I think of all the times that Raegan would dress for school in crazy socks, or a very colorful, but mismatched outfit. Most of the time I would make a negative comment and sometimes I would even make her change. I cringe when I think about my thoughtless behavior now. My goal was for her to fit in and please everyone and her goal was quite the opposite! She thrives on being unique yet understood. Now when I see those crazy socks (for a while she wore a new pair every single day), I smile and say “Raegan, I love those socks today! You are so creative!” In fact, you would have thought we were torturing her when she started going to a private school and they had to wear a uniform just one day a week. She cried and complained about that for awhile until the principal approved her khaki overalls. The overalls, even though they were khaki, were just different enough to make her smile again.
And FOURS are also very creative! Her room is covered with her own paintings in all different styles of art. FOURS make wonderful artists, songwriters (as mentioned in my last FOUR blog) because of their innate ability to tap into human emotions without being overwhelmed by them. Raegan can sit in her room for hours painting on a canvas and love to research new and innovative ways to make it look unique.
Raegan also lives for costume days at school. She was never excited about school unless it was a special day where the students could wear pajamas or a costume. In fact, with all this virtual learning, she was never excited to wake up early to get on her class Zoom call unless it was a themed day (sorry Mrs. Salik). If it was a themed day, then she would have her outfit all planned and laid out the night before. I think Raegan would be more motivated to learn if she went to a school that allowed a different costume for every day of the week! Hmmmmm…I wonder where I can find THAT school?
I love my compassionate, unique, creative, intuitive, authentic FOUR child! She is a colorful flower in a field of weeds and a light in the darkness! She represents the scripture in Romans 12:15 that says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” Raegan will always be willing to sit with someone in the darkness, feel their pain with them and hold their hand as long as they need it. And in a world of rushing and inauthenticity, that is a beautiful thing!